2-WAY DOORS

2 IDEAS FROM ME

1. A close friend of mine was suffering and ended his life with suicide. This was a 1-Way-Door Decision. Once you implement that decision, there’s no way back. A Two-Way-Door Decision is to practice self-compassion and recognize that impermanence, imperfection, and suffering are part of the shared human experience. As bad as things may seem in the moment, they are impermanent and will change. Things never always get worse.

2. The root causes of suffering are imperfections, interdependencies outside our control, impermanence, hedonistic desire (pleasure and immortality), and ignorance. Self-compassion strikes at the roots of suffering and is essential to overcome our imperfections and live an extraordinary life of joy. Self-compassion is loving-kindness with the motive to reduce internal suffering. Compassion is loving-kindness with the motive to reduce suffering in others.

2 QUOTES FROM SAGES

1. “There are a thousand hacking at the branches of evil to one who is striking at the root.”—Henry David Thoreau (Walden or Life in the Woods)

2. “Below are the three elements of self-compassion:

   • 1. Self-kindness vs. self-judgment: Self-compassion entails being warm and understanding toward ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate, rather than ignoring our pain or flagellating ourselves with self-criticism.  Self-compassionate people recognize that being imperfect, failing, and experiencing life difficulties is inevitable, so they tend to be gentle with themselves when confronted with painful experiences rather than getting angry when life falls short of set ideals. People cannot always be or get exactly what they want. When this reality is denied or fought against suffering increases in the form of stress, frustration and self-criticism.  When this reality is accepted with sympathy and kindness, greater emotional equanimity is experienced.

   • 2. Common humanity vs. isolation: Frustration at not having things exactly as we want is often accompanied by an irrational but pervasive sense of isolation – as if “I” were the only person suffering or making mistakes.  All humans suffer, however. The very definition of being “human” means that one is mortal, vulnerable and imperfect.  Therefore, self-compassion involves recognizing that suffering and personal inadequacy is part of the shared human experience – something that we all go through rather than being something that happens to “me” alone.

   • 3. Mindfulness vs. over-identification. Self-compassion also requires taking a balanced approach to our negative emotions so that feelings are neither suppressed nor exaggerated.  This equilibrated stance stems from the process of relating personal experiences to those of others who are also suffering, thus putting our own situation into a larger perspective. It also stems from the willingness to observe our negative thoughts and emotions with openness and clarity, so that they are held in mindful awareness. Mindfulness is a non-judgmental, receptive mind state in which one observes thoughts and feelings as they are, without trying to suppress or deny them. We cannot ignore our pain and feel compassion for it at the same time.  At the same time, mindfulness requires that we not be “over-identified” with thoughts and feelings, so that we are caught up and swept away by negative reactivity.” —Kristin Neff (What is Self-Compassion?)

1 QUESTION FOR YOU TO EXPLORE

1. How do you practice the two-way-door of self-compassion?

Namaste,

Duane Nelson