CULTIVATING RESPECT

Written By Duane Nelson

2 IDEAS FROM ME

  1. The cicada’s lifecycle mirrors the ebbs and flows of intimate relationships. After years underground, cicadas emerge, shedding their old selves to embark on a transformative journey. Similarly, relationships evolve through stages of growth and renewal. Early infatuation parallels the emergence from dormancy, marked by excitement and discovery. As time progresses, challenges arise, akin to molting, requiring adaptation and resilience. Ultimately, like cicadas mating to ensure future generations, enduring relationships deepen, fostering trust and mutual support. Through cycles of renewal and commitment, both cicadas and relationships exemplify the beauty and complexity of life’s journey, offering lessons in perseverance and love.

  2. The Gottman Institute’s “Four Horsemen Model” offers a comprehensive approach to managing conflict and cultivating respect in relationships. The CICADASS mnemonic is helpful to remember the horsemen and their antidotes. By addressing Criticism with mindful communication, we reduce the Impact using “I Statements” to express personal feelings without blame. Contempt is countered with Appreciation, fostering empathy and connection. Defensiveness is mitigated through active listening and a willingness to Apologize when necessary. Stonewalling is dismantled by prioritizing Self-Care, ensuring emotional well-being. By recognizing and applying these antidotes, we cultivate healthier interactions, fostering trust and intimacy. Through conscious efforts to replace negativity with positivity, the four horsemen are tamed, allowing love and understanding to flourish in our relationships.

2 QUOTES FROM SAGES

  1. “Giving and receiving respect from others is important because it helps us to feel safe and to express ourselves. Respect means that you accept somebody for who they are, even when they’re different from you or you don’t agree with them. Respect in your relationships builds feelings of trust, safety, and wellbeing. Respect doesn’t have to come naturally – it is something you learn.”—Australia’s Kids Helpline

  2. “If one doesn’t respect oneself one can have neither love nor respect for others.”—Ann Rand

1 QUESTION FOR YOU TO EXPLORE

  1. How can you experiment with The Gottman Institute’s Four Horsemen Model to cultivate respect in your most important relationships?

Namaste,

Duane Nelson

Duane Nelson

Ultrajourney Insight is an Anacortes Washington-based non-profit organization providing mindfulness & well-being services designed to ignite the adventure of a lifetime. The founder, Duane Nelson, is a writer, speaker, and teacher with four decades of parenting, wilderness, & international technology leadership. His professional insights come from chemical engineering and automation leadership at Philips, Intel, and Amazon. His adventure insights flow from ultramarathons, mountaineering, canyoneering, and adventure racing in Nepal, Alaska, Colorado, Washington, Oregon, Hawaii, Mexico, British Columbia and Alberta.

https://ultrajourneyinsight.org
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